How To Love Yourself on Valentines Day

Why not try something a little different this year and extend the love and care you show to others to yourself?

Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to change your perspective and focus a little more on yourself and your own needs.

love yourself

We all live busy lives, whether you are a parent, a business owner, an employee, a grandparent, carer or have any other responsibilities.

Over time we can become conditioned to gradually paying less attention to our own needs and more on fulfilling the requirements of our responsibilities.

This can result in us focusing our attention on the needs of others and paying little attention to our own.

Whilst I would never flippantly suggest that anyone ‘drops’ their responsibilities, I do believe from time to time we need to re-tune our thoughts and behaviours, to ensure are listening to ourselves and taking steps to ensure we are also showing loving and care towards ourselves.

A lot of my clients have feelings of overwhelm or have lost sight of who they are and what makes them happy.

Some of the work I do is to help people get to know themselves again, help them explore their needs and become familiar with the things that allow them to feel happy and at peace again.

I feel positive about the ‘self-care’ philosophy that seems to exist at the moment, however for me, there are only so many bubble baths you can have in a week – let’s face it utility bills are very much a consideration at the moment!

Or meditation, in the untrained and unguided hands has the potential to drive you potty – I for one constantly wonder whether I am doing it ‘right’!

Or eating a rainbow of vegetables – lets face it, can get a little boring.

Don’t get me wrong all these activities are extremely positive and if they work for you – brilliant! But for me it tends to become just another task to add to my ever growing jobs list. This adds to the feelings of responsibility and pressure and then when I inevitably don’t manage to complete it, can result in a feeling of failure.

The type of self-care I am referring to is a little different. Yes, it does require focus and yes, it does require a little effort, but it doesn’t add to the ever growing jobs list or exasperate feeling over being under pressure.

It results in you treating yourself a little more like the way you treat the people in your life that you love and care deeply about.

Love yourself

It always amazes me how people can be so mindful of others, how caring, understanding and loving they can be to the important people in their lives, yet do not extend this to themselves. And on the odd time they do, it is not unusual to have thoughts about being selfish or being over indulgent or feeling guilty.

I know it is a clichΓ©, but you really cannot pour from an empty cup. If all we ever do is give ourselves to others, there will inevitably, over time be nothing left of ourselves.

Helping people to understand how they can be kind to themselves very much depends on the individual and their unique thoughts and beliefs, however below are some ideas you could consider that may make a positive difference to you and how you love yourself.

Forgive Yourself

Most people are really good at forgiving the people they love, but it can be harder to extend that forgiveness when it comes to ourselves.

We can often blame ourselves, be an inner critic and fill our heads with all the ‘shoulds’ we should have done instead.

When you next experience feelings or thoughts of self-blame, stop for a moment and imagine it is your best friend or loved one that has just been in your situation. How would you react to them? What would you say to them? Then extend this same level of care and compassion to yourself, practice self forgiveness, rather than beating yourself up.


We seem to have this amazing ability to constantly highlight and give airtime to all the ‘things’ that we are worried about or are concerning and consequently we very rarely celebrate our achievements.

We tend to wait for someone else to recognise something we have accomplished, or worse still, don’t even recognise our accomplishments unless they are externally validated.

At some point today, perhaps whilst you are cleaning your teeth before you go to bed, why not identify one thing that you have achieved. One action or thought, no matter how small, that makes you proud.

If you want to go a step further – take a minute to jot it down and put it in a jam jar or container. Then the next time you need a boost or even when you are taking stock at the end of the year you can remind yourself and celebrate all that you have achieved.

Pause and Listen To Yourself

When you feel stuck or out of sorts, pause and ask yourself “what do I need right now?”. This can bring us back into the here and now and can quieten all the mental noise.

Asking ourselves questions can help us to understand our needs a little deeper, “what is one action I can take right now that will make a positive difference?” or “what is my body trying to tell me?”.

Talk To A Therapist

How often do you get the time to talk? Say all those thoughts that have been floating around your head out loud? Explore them? Make sense of them? Change them?

It can be a huge relief to have the opportunity to be truly listened to, to talk to someone who is focused on understanding how you are feeling.

Someone who is not there to judge you or offer an opinion, but to provide you with a completely safe and confidential space.

Talking to a therapist can help you to unravel your thoughts, understand yourself better and understand how to move forwards in a way that is positive for you.

You Yourself,

as much as anyone in the entire universe,

deserve your love and affection”


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If you would like to find out more about how talking therapy and hypnotherapy can help you please click on the links below

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